Boy Scouts Who Don’t Do Anything

My oldest son, raised strictly on a musical diet of Ray Stevens and Weird Al, came up with the lyrics to a song called “Boy Scouts Who Don’t Do Anything”.  He’s threatening to sing it at the next campfire, if he does I’ll have a camera ready and will post a Youtube link here later.  Anyhow it is sung to the Veggie Tales tune of “Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything”, and I thought it was kind of clever, so I’m sharing:

We are the Boy Scouts who don’t do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We’ll just tell you… we don’t do anything

Well I’ve never tied a square knot
And I’ve never tied a bowline
And I’ve never tied a lashing to make something big and tall

And I’ve never been to Philmont
And I’ve never been to Sea Base

And I’ve never gone out hiking in the fall

We’re the Boy Scouts who don’t do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We’ll just tell you… we don’t do anything

And I’ve never packed a backpack

And I’ve never used a compass
And I’ve never read a map
‘Cause I never hike at all

And I’ve never gone to Jambo
And I’ve never joined the OA
And I’ve never gone out hiking in the fall

‘Cause we’re the Boy Scouts who don’t do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We’ll just tell you… we don’t do anything

Well I’ve never plucked a rooster
And I’m not too good at ping ball
And I’ve never thrown my mashed potatoes
Up against the wall

And I’ve never kissed a chipmunk
And I’ve never gotten head lice
And I’ve never gone out hiking in the fall

(spoken)
Huh? What are you talking about?
What’s a rooster and mashed potatoes have to do with being a Boy Scout?
Hey, that’s right!
We are supposed to sing about Boy Scout-y things.
And who’s ever kissed a chipmunk?
That’s just nonsense! Why’d you even bring it up?
Am I right? What do you think?

Arrrgggghh
Yikes!

And I’ve never licked a spark plug
And I’ve never sniffed a stinkbug
And I’ve never painted daises
On a big red rubber ball

And I’ve never bathed in yogurt
And I don’t look good in leggings
(You just don’t get it.)
And I’ve never gone out hiking in the fall

(spoken)
Pass the chips!
Who’s got the remote control? Here it is!
Time for cartoons!
It’s definitely time for Xbox.
Ohh… I don’t like this show.
Hey look! I found a quarter!

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